Jan 13, 2008 
I just discovered a pattern of mine.
I get a dream or goal.
I discover what I need to get that dream/goal.
I am certain if I only had X I’d be able to start working towards my dream or goal. Not achieve my goal but start to work towards my goal.
I struggle to get X, I get X. Instead of implementing/starting to work towards my goal, I find I also need Y before I can start working towards my goal. My plans now change to go for Y instead of my dream or goal.
I know these are hurdles I place in my own way. Some are legitimate, most are not. They’re just part of some kind of perfectionistic procrastination.
If I’m really ambitious (aka “mental”) I’ll create a long list of what is in my way before I can work towards what I want. I’ll need X, Y, Z, AA, and BB….. then it should be a slam dunk when I start to work on my dream. With those items my task will go from “impossible” to very easy. That’s what I tell my self.
Wow.
This habit/pattern crops up in my life again and again.
I have no idea where it came from.
It must have come from a decision I made as a child to explain a frustrating experience I was having.
A childish decision or rule about life I decided was true based on a childish (incomplete) view of the world.
That decision/rule now has an overpowering super-overlord Ace-of-Spades (trump card of all trump cards) status in my decision making process.
Now all I need to do is to melt away that over-riding decision-making rule that no longer serves me.
But first I think I’ll go eat something chocolate. 
